I feel like it’s so hard to sometimes deal with how other people view you. People look at me and see a weak, lazy person because at this time in my life I’m doing nothing to progress it. The thing is they’ll never know what I’m truly going through everyday and the pure mental exhaustion it causes. It’s easier for me to sleep the whole day to avoid my compulsions rather than do them after years of hours upon hours of compulsions daily. I never want to sit there and wash my hands for an hour at a time again but if I did what everyone wanted me to, that’s where it would lead. I can’t get a job because I can’t even guarantee I’ll wake up and not having something prevent me from even sitting down at my computer. I don’t want to be this, I’ve always wanted this successful life I just don’t know when I’m going to be okay again to obtain it. I’ve heard for years from people how stupid, lazy, useless person and it’s really started to make me question myself and if any attempt to get better is even worth it.


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