I had my ERP meeting this morning. We’ve been focused on roaches for around three weeks now so my therapist decided we should move on to one of the fears they represent, like blood. I honestly didn’t think that much of blood or at least I didn’t think I did but after talking about it in therapy I was more stressed about it than when I started. Talking about all the ways something can and might hurt you really does something to your brain. I know it’s meant to help in the long run but it is weird to hear that I’m going to die of hepatitis possibly. Lots and lots of pictures of blood and imagining yourself walking in it, rubbing your hands in, falling in it and thinking about what would happen after the fact. Im not afraid of blood born diseases but I am afraid of what they represent and what they mean which is inherently you are dirty/contaminated. It’s a tricky process but I’m so damn tired of feeling the way I feel and I want to leave my room.


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