Everything is just so weird to me. I can go from feeling so excited and ready to push through everything to get where I want to be and then it gets ruined so easily. I so desperately want to get in shape but unless I shower twice a day I can’t work out and then I spend countless money on a gym membership and workout clothes that aren’t going to use. I need to be healthier, if I can’t fix my mind I hope at least some day I can fix my body. Stress used to make me lose weight but I’m so beyond stressed right now yet I’m still gaining weight. I’m eating less, drinking less, walking over a mile a day but I see nothing. I don’t want to regret what I look like in my wedding for the rest of my life but I haven’t been able to get back on track in almost three years. And to think I used to think I was fat back then when I was the skinniest I’ve ever been. I wish this disorder didn’t ruin every aspect of my life but it has and will continue to do so.


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