1/17 Therapy

I decided to stop therapy sessions and now I feel like shit about it. It wasn’t helping because I think she wants me to be able to do things like say make food in the kitchen and not wash my hands at all. But when I was “better” I still washed my hands like three times while making food and I was fine with that. The therapy is too much too quick and is causing me more anxiety than helping. I know in the long run it would help but even the thought of going to therapy would keep me up at night because I knew I was going to have to put myself in an uncomfortable situation that I just am not okay with. Frankly I don’t want every spot in my house to feel “dirty” and I just have to deal with it. Anyway I feel like shit because I know everyone is looking to me to fix my situation and it’s my fault if I don’t get better but I’m just trying to stay alive right now. It’ll always be something no one but me truly understands anyway. It’s also really hard to have a therapist that doesn’t actually care about you. ERP therapy is strictly about right then right now actions, like you don’t talk to them you just do physical work and they walk you through it. I don’t have anyone to talk to right now so I feel like getting a talk therapist would be good for my overall mental health cause I just kinda sit there and suffer in my head everyday with nothing to distract me.