3/2

Dylan bought me a chocolate bar yesterday and I ate some of it in bed, I sat there thinking man when I see these crumbs later I’m going to freak out. Well I woke up today and saw brown crumbs on my white blanket and freaked out. I told myself over and over again that it was chocolate but now several hours later I had to clean everything, get rid of the blanket and wipe everything down that I touched. Some of it will still be in the bed and I touched some things in my closet with dirty hands so basically I can’t finish the compulsion. I can’t make everything clean again without washing my entire wardrobe. I’m just so fucking stressed and don’t want to go back upstairs. I’m going to have to have Dylan re clean everything again when he gets home. I’m not going to be able to get dressed until I clean the closet and I don’t have the time or energy to do it right now. It just sucks, it’s something new every fucking minute. It doesn’t help that yesterday I spent four hours in the hospital because I hit my back and head on the concrete and all I could was sit there and stress about everything I touched or saw on the chairs or the floor or even the god damn inside of the CT machine because it had a smear on it. Thank god I don’t have a broken back because I can’t imagine the obsessions and compulsions I’d have if I had to wear something that I couldn’t wash.