3/10

I’ve recently had a probably of purely imagining things that aren’t there. Like I thought I saw something on my hand and now I’ve very closely inspected it at least 50 times, asked dylan if he sees anything, smelled it, etc and I still can’t get it through my head that it isn’t there. At the same time I thought something was on the bed and who knows if it is or isn’t but if I look at I see it. Granted I don’t have the best eye sight and I think it’s gotten worse over the last few years because back in the apartment every time I saw a black spec the longer I stared at it the more I was convinced it was moving like if it was a bug. It almost 90% was something that was not alive and could not move. God it’s so fucking irritating to not even trust your own senses, like if I think something is something I will see it, feel it, smell it even though it isn’t there. Fucking hell

Another thing completely unrelated from my ocd, I’ve also had issues of hallucinations at night like I have at least ten times screamed and woken Dylan up because a man will be standing next to the bed and I have to sit and stare at it for minutes before it goes away. The other day I saw a fucking green m&m the size of a cat flying, literally flapping its wings and floated down to the ground. And as this was happening I saw on the ground two of one of my cats and I was like oh maybe it’s the other one but he was in the opposite corner of the room so I truly thought somehow another cat had made its way into the room. It’s not really a bad thing but it does kind of freak me out because it’s so real, like it doesn’t go away quick enough for me to not be actually confused about it. Could be the affects of the drugs but I don’t know.