4/1

Today is just an overall bad ocd day. Not much happened but when I got out of the shower my mom said something really loud when I tried to walk through the door and if you’ve read before on here it’s the whole “turn down the music so I can see” thing but for feeling. Because of that I didn’t know if I touched the door and then I tried to walk upstairs and she started talking to me so then again I couldn’t feel if I touched the railing. This all means my hair towel is now dirty because that’s what I will need to touch next. This means that I then have to come up with a process where I can remove the towel without touching it but that’s impossible because it has the ties on it. I finally got myself some what able to lay down but I needed to wash my hands one more time. For some reason I couldn’t get out the bathroom door and into my door without thinking I touched something. I would do it over and over and over again and either someone was talking so I had to restart or whatever. I ended up having washed my hands and arms five times and probably walked through the door ten times. It was so tedious and I still don’t feel clean but I ran out of soap. The entire process from the shower to laying down should have took me 10 minutes but it took an hour. Nothing makes sense but there is nothing I can tell myself or anyone else that will make this not happen. It kept happening over and over because when you give in to the compulsion it just wants more until it takes you hours to complete something.