4/26

I have this green metal thing under my desk that has three levels, the bottom two are already dirty because my feet touch it but the top one was clean, emphasis on was. It holds all my hair care, skin care, makeup etc. I decided to go through it and organize it two days ago but right in the beginning the first thing I opened I remembered was dirty on the inside from months ago and I don’t even remember why but I tried to just push past it but halfway through I came across something else that had hella dust on it cause it hadn’t been moved but in the dust there was a black something. I wiped it away so fast with my finger I don’t even remember if it was a speck or a smear or just a dot but either way I wiped it with my hand and kept going because that’s what I’m supposed to do. Well now I’ve cleaned everything on my desk TWICE and can’t go back in the bin. I contaminated everything and it sucks because I have 100’s dollars worth of product in there and I can’t just clean everything it would take too long. I’ve refused to even sit down at my desk for fear I’ll find something else and I just can’t handle it right now. Also my hair and skin looks like crap now because I can’t use anything. The only way to fix it would be to clean everything in the bin but that would take hours and I would have to have Dylan do it and he already hates doing anything let alone that. These are the times that I realize I’m really not doing any better yet.