5/12

The other day I had a really bad issue with my ocd but I don’t even want to write it down cause I’d rather not think about it but it’s led me to be extra stressed lately. For my shower today I needed a new loofa and I store them in my nightstand with my swimsuits so as I was going through it I noticed there was marks all over this white swimsuit that I have, I have never even worn it and last it was was washed so I don’t know what it is. It was on three separate pieces and it almost looks like burn marks which I’m hoping it just got burnt in the drier because god know what else it could be. I had them in my lap touching the bed and my nightstand and I had to touch the door to leave the room. I showered now and I’m sitting on the opposite side of the bed until Dylan gets home to look at it. This is why I’m terrified of getting a job because what if something like this happened on my lunch break and I was just stuck contaminating everything for the rest of the day because I couldn’t fix it. I can’t even fix it right now so I’m praying Dylan agrees it’s burnt. I don’t want to deal with the other possibilities. Now Dylan gets off work in three hours so I just have to lay here and stress. It’s weird to think how bad I would’ve gotten if I didn’t get on medication in 2021 because I still barely function.