I drank hard alcohol for the first time in awhile tonight and I hate how much it makes me feel better. It’s so hard to give up the only thing making you better. Another thing I realized is I haven’t used or touched my laptop in almost a year because of my ocd. I threw … Continue reading 3/23



I bought some pens and notebooks off Amazon a couple days ago and I just got them. I did everything right, opened the packaged and dumped them on the bed without touching them. Then when I brought them to my desk there was black specs everywhere and it wasn’t ink cause it was hard. Now … Continue reading 3/15

3/11 part 2

Well it’s been six hours, I haven’t stopped thinking about it and now I added like 6 things on top of it so I’m just laying in bed knowing that when I wake up tomorrow I’m going to have a breakdown realizing everything I contaminated and Dylan won’t be home to help me. Also I … Continue reading 3/11 part 2


I just sat down at my desk after showering and in five seconds I noticed something on the desk, a very small black smear. Obviously I believe I touched it and maybe was even who smeared it but now I feel like everything is dirty. The thing is I want to fight it so bad … Continue reading 3/11


I’ve recently had a probably of purely imagining things that aren’t there. Like I thought I saw something on my hand and now I’ve very closely inspected it at least 50 times, asked dylan if he sees anything, smelled it, etc and I still can’t get it through my head that it isn’t there. At … Continue reading 3/10


I think like two weeks ago I thought there was something on my hand and then I touched a section of my closet so since then I have thought that area was dirty and I haven’t gone near it. Today there was some clothes in the hallway so I thought Dylan had moved the clothes … Continue reading 3/8


Dylan bought me a chocolate bar yesterday and I ate some of it in bed, I sat there thinking man when I see these crumbs later I’m going to freak out. Well I woke up today and saw brown crumbs on my white blanket and freaked out. I told myself over and over again that … Continue reading 3/2


You know I always look back at my social media and realize people probably think I’m faking it because “oh look she’s sitting on the ground or touching this and that” but for 90% of the time I’m just masking. If I’m in public and I have to do something that I don’t want to … Continue reading 2/24


For some reason every time I see my psychiatrist he always wants to change things or add things to my regime regardless if I say I'm okay. Since switching to him I have gone up on three of my meds and now he's upping me on Luvox as well and I'm like....okay. I'm not really … Continue reading 2/14