12/31

I got my nose pierced yesterday and then went over to my moms to eat. One of the first things she said to me was “oh but it’s so good that you did something, at least you got something done” or something along those lines. For the last three years that’s what everyone says to me, they are so proud that I got up and did something and that I should be proud of myself. All it does is remind me how yeah I’m fucking useless and have barely left the house in three years. I don’t know why constantly pointing out the few things I do end up doing is seen as a good thing to everyone else. I don’t need to be reminded, I don’t want anyone to be proud of me for leaving my bed, all it does is make me turn around and go right back. I know what my life is, I know how much I have wasted of what is supposed to be the best years of my life. I know. There’s a post trend going around of posting six photos of you and your significant other from 2023. I couldn’t find 6. I didn’t go anywhere with Dylan more than 5 times this entire year that I ended up using two pictures from my wedding. It made me feel so fucking shit to look back at my pictures and realize that I truly have wasted the last two years especially because im not even in school anymore. Im 24, I should be out having fun, exploring but I’m afraid to even go into a parking lot at this point.