One thing I’ve noticed recently is I’ve started to focus on food more. Usually I eat a muffin and some fruit for breakfast but one time my strawberries had something brown and gooey on it so I stopped eating and washed my hands. Ever since then I haven’t been able to eat fruit without completely inspecting it and if it even has something remotely on it, I have to clean everything that may have touched it. This is a huge issue with kiwis and grapes as well. I literally one day had to clean the entire room because I wasn’t sure if the brown stuff had spread. This type of stuff irritates me because instead of dealing with it I just stop eating fruit which was probably the only healthy meal I was consuming daily anyway. That also reminds me that my nightstand has become a huge problem. Because of the cats and food, there is ALWAYS something on my nightstand and I never am sure what it is so it’s instantly dirty right. Well the other day there was something there so I smeared it with my cup to see what it was and ever since then I’ve cleaned the nightstand twice but I can’t stop thinking about the smear so every time I think I touched the nightstand I freak out. Or my blanket goes too far and touches it, or my hair when I’m putting it up in a bun touches it. I just can’t seem to get it clean at this point but I’m tired of worrying about it. I already know that when I go home today I have to clean the room because there was something on the blanket this morning and idk what Dylan touched after touching it. I’m just so tired of cleaning, I sit in my car all day long to avoid having to clean things and all it does is lead to a meltdown once I come back home.


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